Did You Hear What You Said?

A few days ago, I overhead a conversation between a young man and someone who would be a fan.  The young man had just completed what he considered to be a substantial project, and wanted to know if his friend wanted to check it out. His friend was very enthusiastic about listening, and she said, "I'd love to; I love your work."

The young man responded with, "Oh, you're very sweet -- delirious, but sweet..." indicating albeit jokingly that his friend's adulation was misplaced, and that his work wasn't worthy of her considerable regard, but he gave it to her anyway.

A little later, I reflected on that conversation and thought it sad, because the man had a product he was obviously proud of, but at the same time felt a need to denigrate it and put himself down, under the guise of a joke. Simultaneously -- if you really look at it -- he also insulted his friend (you're delirious) because if she liked his work she was obviously unaware.

Now, you might think it was just a cute joke and that he didn't really mean it; or perhaps that he was just being humble. But, for me, it was a perfect example of the kind of negative self talk we feed ourselves that reflects some inner fear or insecurity and the joking manner makes it almost unnoticeable. When I coach people, I catch such instances of negative self talk and point it out, and people are generally amazed to realize how they just trashed themselves. I just help develop an awareness of the pattern so they can intercept and break it.

We tend to think of self talk as the inaudible conversations have inside our heads, but often self talk isn't silent at all, and the audible words are even more damaging than the silent ones; and left unchecked, will continue to work against us and help sabotage our efforts. Many times -- in that way -- we are absolutely our own worst enemy... and we don't even notice it.

In this case, the gentleman... was me, and I dare say that even the strongest among us has an occasional slip of the tongue and "innocently" bash ourselves.  However, it's not innocent and with careful attention to our audible and inaudible self talk, we can detect it and break these patterns.

In this case, when I realized what I'd done, I sent an immediate email to my friend apologizing for my inadvertent disrespect, and told her that I did indeed value my work -- and her appreciation appreciate of my work -- and thanked her for taking an interest. She thought the apology was unnecessary, and she wasn't offended -- at least not for long. But I felt much better having noticed and made amends -- to her AND myself -- and in the process made THAT negative habit a bit weaker.


Habits -- the ties that bind.  Listen to your self talk -- all of it. Make an intent to notice what you say to yourself, or about yourself to others, and if you notice yourself saying something negative, reverse immediately, audibly, and break that habit. Yes... it really is important.

Have a awesome day.

Kelvin

The Trouble Tree

Here's a nice little story that was passed to me.  I do not know who the original author is, but I like what it has to say. Enjoy it.
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I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse. After he finished a rough first day on the job, a flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric drill quit and his ancient one ton truck refused to start.

While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches
with both hands.  When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.

'Oh, that's my trouble tree,' he replied 'I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, those troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home and ask God to take care of them. Then in the morning I pick them up again.' 'Funny thing is,' he smiled,' when I come out in the morning to pick 'em up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before'.
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We should all have our own Trouble Tree. Sometimes, just laying our troubles down to tend to themselves for a while, or just putting some distance and breathing room between us and them, they'll seem lighter when we  go pick the up next time. Sometimes our perspective changes, sometimes -- after a good night's sleep -- we just start to realize that mountain wasn't as high as we thought it was.

However you practice it... every now and then... just hang your troubles up and forget them. Pick them back up in the morning.

Have an awesome day.

Kelvin

Decisions are Made by Those Who Show Up!

A powerful statement.  It jumped out at me while I was looking over a friend's Facebook page.  I count it as one of my great "ah hah!" moments. No matter how strong your idea, or argument, or passion, it has virtually no power if you don't show up to present it, speak it, defend or promote it.

But that's a big concept that can also be applied even more powerfully in our micro worlds. But in that case, the question becomes, "are YOU showing up..." to manage your life?

Are you showing up and making decisions, or just accepting the default decisions made for you by circumstances or other people? Does the morning news or the driver who cut you off on your way to work determine how the rest of your day will go? or do you show up and take control of your day and your destiny?  Are you accepting the default decisions levied by your own procrastination? or are you showing up... and deciding to actively manage your activities and your life?

I asked myself these questions... and wasn't so impressed with some of the answers.  It's so easy -- EASY -- to throw our hands up and say "I can't control that; the decision is made for me..." but if you're reading this, you know better.  And maybe that restless, discontented feeling you've been battling lately is because you haven't made the decision ... to make a decision, and you've been waiting for someone else -- some circumstance -- to make it for you and take it out of your hands.

If that sounds like you (like it did for me) then, you know what you have to do, right?  Show up! Make a decision. It does a body good!  Even if it's not the best decision, that's okay. You can always show up later, and make another decision.

Decisions are made by those who show up!  I'm back.  Are you with me?

Have an awesome day.

Kelvin

Who's in Your Front Row?

Disclaimer! This is a repeat, and it's not mine! I didn't write it; but I love it. Unfortunately, I can't give credit to who wrote it, because .. I don't know. BUT... it's good stuff, and it's something we all need to think about, so... enjoy.
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Life is a Theater...

Invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a Distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not going anywhere relationships or friendships.

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feel better or do you feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you....the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

Remember that the people we hang with will have an impact on both our lives and our income. And so we must be careful to choose the people we hang out with, as well as the information with which we feed our minds. We should not share our dreams with negative people, nor allow them to feed us with negative thoughts.

Who's in your front row?