Who motivates the motivator? Who gets the person moving forward, who's been stuck in the same spot on the treadmill -- like that hamster on the wheel -- so all that sweat starts being the result of productivity, and not just aimless activity? Some say that is totally internal to the person involved: "You make a decision, and then you act on it. There is no decision without action." And I totally believe that to be true.
But sometimes, in doing the assessment that leads to making your decision, you find that there are things stopping you, blocking you from moving forward, and part of your decision might be to find someone -- a guru... a coach ... a mentor ... a compassionate friend, perhaps -- to help you identify the stuff that keeps you from making progress because, after all, if you already knew what was stopping you, you'd do something about it, right? But even then, if you decide to do something about it, what would you do?
Sometimes what turns the key to understanding -- and subsequently action -- is something as simple as a single question, and many times that question has to come from someone outside of ourselves.
So... I met this guy. Actually, he called me (and got my voice mail) to do some networking after a chamber of commerce event that I'd missed. He was just going down the list of absent members, introducing himself and telling us about his coaching business. I liked his style, his presentation, and figured "what have I got to lose? It's networking." So I called him back and got his voice mail, left my message, and after several iterations of that , we finally met.
Now sitting face to face, doing the normal positioning banter, checking each other out to see if each of us is who we "discerned" the other to be via our phone messages -- king's pawn to king 3, etc. Turns out Steve decided he needed to meet me, just to find out WHO the person was who could leave a voice mail message as long as the one I'd left him ! (I do write "Ramblings "... after all)
So, we'd gotten past that and had been talking a while (he mostly listening); I told him what I'm involved in, some of my immediate and intermediate goals, what my time lines are, and he smiled and asked, "so, what's your end game?" Kelvin became silent. I am unaccustomed to people asking me a question that stops me cold... and makes me think that hard... that fast (perhaps that's why he's the business coach and I'm not). Some things we've not equated to such simple concepts that we can pull in a flash, but... that's the real question, isn't it ? What is my end game? So I told him the truth -- more or less: "I'm just now defining that... let me get back to you."
Of course, being who I am, I managed to also ask *him* a question that gave him a bit of pause, though not as long a pause as he gave me, and after 90 minutes of conversation with this man, I felt invigorated, refreshed, challenged and respected -- not a bad mix for a 90 minute cup of coffee.
So who knows. Maybe you have a hurdle or two you don't seem able to get over up to now. Maybe a no-cost consultation will help you see a direction. Who can say? Check him out. Maybe Steve has a question that you need to think about. I don't recommend many people -- I'm hard to impress (smile).
Have an awesome day.
Kelvin
Friday, January 11, 2008
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Rules I live By
HAPPY WINTER !! Are you having a great day? I certainly hope so, because me and Tony The Tiger got it goin' on!
I want to share with you a few of the rules that govern my life. Everyone has rules they live by. Not everyone realizes it, but we all have hard-wired internal rules that govern our every action and reaction, the way we take things, understand things, rules that govern our assumptions, rules that determine when we should be offended or elated, rules that define who we are, what we do, where we go, what we say. RULES ! They do a body good -- sometimes.
A problem occurs when we have rules that make us do things and we don't realize what our rules are :-). Violating one of our governing, internal rules -- that we don't realize exists -- can cause us a LOT of pain and stress. Not only that but many people know what their rules are, and don't know *why* they are, which tends to cause a different conflict.
Both of those conversations may be topics for another time, but today, I'm just sharing a few of my own governing rules. I'm not promoting them, justifying them or explaining them -- I'm merely stating them, in no particular order. Feel free to comment, if you like.
My Governing Rules
1. I am KELVIN.
2. Positive, Upbeat, Motivated and Uplifting (PUMU) -- always.
3. If I'm breathing and walking around on my own power... it's a good day.
4. Perspective -- use it or lose it.
5. I don't want nobody who don't want me.
6. If looks like duck, walks like a duck, and sounds like a duck... it's probably a duck.
7. Never interfere with a working relationship.
8. Seek first to understand, then be understood.
9. I help those who help themselves, first.
10. Be good to my friends (includes family members).
11. In my next relationship, neither of us will have to change to make the other one "happy" or comfortable.
12. I never ask God to do anything for me, that I can do myself.
13. Reality is relative.
14. The best way to predict your future, is to create it.
15. You can't talk your way out of something you behaved your way into.
And, that's pretty much... me. I might have missed a few, but I tried to think of the principles I use most often. If I stop to really think about them, one or more of those probably fits within another rule. But generally if I find myself quoting it to people fairly often, I know it is a rule of mine, so I listed it here. Maybe one day I'll explore the rationale behind some of them, one at a time.
Anthony Robbins (there's that name again) notes that some of the most profound wisdom of the ages, is expressed in short, concise sayings: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, Love thy neighbor as thyself, the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step." I try to do similarly for my own wisdoms.
Incidentally, a few of those are adopted directly from other people. As Charlie Brown once said, "I quote the truth wherever I find it."
Have a grrrreat day.
Kelvin
I want to share with you a few of the rules that govern my life. Everyone has rules they live by. Not everyone realizes it, but we all have hard-wired internal rules that govern our every action and reaction, the way we take things, understand things, rules that govern our assumptions, rules that determine when we should be offended or elated, rules that define who we are, what we do, where we go, what we say. RULES ! They do a body good -- sometimes.
A problem occurs when we have rules that make us do things and we don't realize what our rules are :-). Violating one of our governing, internal rules -- that we don't realize exists -- can cause us a LOT of pain and stress. Not only that but many people know what their rules are, and don't know *why* they are, which tends to cause a different conflict.
Both of those conversations may be topics for another time, but today, I'm just sharing a few of my own governing rules. I'm not promoting them, justifying them or explaining them -- I'm merely stating them, in no particular order. Feel free to comment, if you like.
My Governing Rules
1. I am KELVIN.
2. Positive, Upbeat, Motivated and Uplifting (PUMU) -- always.
3. If I'm breathing and walking around on my own power... it's a good day.
4. Perspective -- use it or lose it.
5. I don't want nobody who don't want me.
6. If looks like duck, walks like a duck, and sounds like a duck... it's probably a duck.
7. Never interfere with a working relationship.
8. Seek first to understand, then be understood.
9. I help those who help themselves, first.
10. Be good to my friends (includes family members).
11. In my next relationship, neither of us will have to change to make the other one "happy" or comfortable.
12. I never ask God to do anything for me, that I can do myself.
13. Reality is relative.
14. The best way to predict your future, is to create it.
15. You can't talk your way out of something you behaved your way into.
And, that's pretty much... me. I might have missed a few, but I tried to think of the principles I use most often. If I stop to really think about them, one or more of those probably fits within another rule. But generally if I find myself quoting it to people fairly often, I know it is a rule of mine, so I listed it here. Maybe one day I'll explore the rationale behind some of them, one at a time.
Anthony Robbins (there's that name again) notes that some of the most profound wisdom of the ages, is expressed in short, concise sayings: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, Love thy neighbor as thyself, the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step." I try to do similarly for my own wisdoms.
Incidentally, a few of those are adopted directly from other people. As Charlie Brown once said, "I quote the truth wherever I find it."
Have a grrrreat day.
Kelvin
Friday, December 14, 2007
Decision: Is it Real or is it Memorex?
A couple of weeks ago I got together at my house with some folks, and I put the word out that I had no snacks to offer, so if they wanted to munch while they were here, they needed to bring their own snacks.
"I am not a crappy host", but the reason there was no munchy type stuff in the house, is because I had just thrown out everything that wasn't good for me, because I's let my weight get up to 200 pounds -- kinda chunky, albeit loveable, for 5' 6 1/2" ish (I squeeze all the height out that I can without lying), and thus the lab tests from my annual physical revealed some stuff that made my doctor nervous -- all weight related -- and he was kind enough to point out to me in a somewhat graphic fashion the exceptionally painful, potentially deadly existence I was about to enter.
Now, you might think... gosh, Kelvin hit a bit of bad luck, a few things went wrong and he needed some help... Nice try. Fact is, that what Kelvin needed was some discipline. Kelvin knew better, because 5 years ago Kelvin had this problem before and kicked it's butt. I lost nearly 30 pounds in 30 days, and kept it off (plus or minus 2 pounds) for over 3 years, and in the last year or so... I just kinda... slipped (jumped head first?) off the wagon, and reversed nearly ALL the progress I had made, with resultant health consequences. PLUS, I'd just spent $87 on three pairs of dress pants three weeks before, and now I couldn't button them and still breathe? HA ! No.
NOTE: Whether it is success oriented, business, weight loss, runner training, a relationship, or mountain climbing, whatever you did to win that battle and get to your success level, if you stop doing it... you *will* slide back down the pole and have to start over again.
So here I was back at this juncture again, and... I made a decision, and threw away the stuff that wasn't going to help me get to where I need to be, because a decision is not a decision, until you do something to activate it. If you're "gonna do it later," that's not a decision; its' just s wishful thinking. When you make a decision, you must do something immediately to activate it, or your brain knows that you're just kidding, and wont' help you.
And whenever you make a decision, of course, stand by for "the test". When I went to work on Monday a client brought in a BEAUTIFUL chocolate bunt cake -- thick luscious chocolate icing, and when she opened the box lid the aroma permeated ever air molecule in that office, and you could almost taste that cake. I stood there looking it, decorated with sliced almonds... standing on their ends... like little grave stones. Needless to say with the picture in mind, resisting the cake was (heh heh) a piece of cake :-) and guess what?! I lost 6 pounds in under two weeks since I made that decision, and those pants fit now... and I look *goooood* in them (smiling). But I'm not back to my weight target yet, so I do not relent until I'm done.
So when you make a decision, is it real? or is it Memorex. Do you act on it? or just talk about it ?
Make a decision. It does a body good.
Kelvin
"I am not a crappy host", but the reason there was no munchy type stuff in the house, is because I had just thrown out everything that wasn't good for me, because I's let my weight get up to 200 pounds -- kinda chunky, albeit loveable, for 5' 6 1/2" ish (I squeeze all the height out that I can without lying), and thus the lab tests from my annual physical revealed some stuff that made my doctor nervous -- all weight related -- and he was kind enough to point out to me in a somewhat graphic fashion the exceptionally painful, potentially deadly existence I was about to enter.
Now, you might think... gosh, Kelvin hit a bit of bad luck, a few things went wrong and he needed some help... Nice try. Fact is, that what Kelvin needed was some discipline. Kelvin knew better, because 5 years ago Kelvin had this problem before and kicked it's butt. I lost nearly 30 pounds in 30 days, and kept it off (plus or minus 2 pounds) for over 3 years, and in the last year or so... I just kinda... slipped (jumped head first?) off the wagon, and reversed nearly ALL the progress I had made, with resultant health consequences. PLUS, I'd just spent $87 on three pairs of dress pants three weeks before, and now I couldn't button them and still breathe? HA ! No.
NOTE: Whether it is success oriented, business, weight loss, runner training, a relationship, or mountain climbing, whatever you did to win that battle and get to your success level, if you stop doing it... you *will* slide back down the pole and have to start over again.
So here I was back at this juncture again, and... I made a decision, and threw away the stuff that wasn't going to help me get to where I need to be, because a decision is not a decision, until you do something to activate it. If you're "gonna do it later," that's not a decision; its' just s wishful thinking. When you make a decision, you must do something immediately to activate it, or your brain knows that you're just kidding, and wont' help you.
And whenever you make a decision, of course, stand by for "the test". When I went to work on Monday a client brought in a BEAUTIFUL chocolate bunt cake -- thick luscious chocolate icing, and when she opened the box lid the aroma permeated ever air molecule in that office, and you could almost taste that cake. I stood there looking it, decorated with sliced almonds... standing on their ends... like little grave stones. Needless to say with the picture in mind, resisting the cake was (heh heh) a piece of cake :-) and guess what?! I lost 6 pounds in under two weeks since I made that decision, and those pants fit now... and I look *goooood* in them (smiling). But I'm not back to my weight target yet, so I do not relent until I'm done.
So when you make a decision, is it real? or is it Memorex. Do you act on it? or just talk about it ?
Make a decision. It does a body good.
Kelvin
Friday, November 30, 2007
Make Yourself Happy
Sometimes it seems like time never moves, and other times... you just wonder where it all went. I meant to write a piece for Thanksgiving. It was all formed in my mind but never made it to my hands, then -- so suddenly, it seems -- it was the day after Thanksgiving... but the message is still good.
A couple of weeks ago I was having a conversation with a good friend over lunch, and they were telling me how things were going in their life, and remarked that for their birthday no one was planning anything special for them. Initially they were a little bummed, but then decided, "Heck. It's my birthday, so I'm going to do something for me, to make myself happy." Then she followed with, "I'm ## years old (real age withheld) and I'm not a child anymore and it's up to me to make my birthday special for me..." and she did.
She told me all that she did on her birthday to make it special, the little things she treated herself to because she deserved it, the time she took to do some things she just hadn't had a chance to do in a while that she just decided to indulge herself in -- simple pleasures; nothing exhorbitant. And she said, "you know? it was the best birthday I've had in years," and I'd almost swear she had a glow around her that stood as evidence to how great she felt after taking charge of her day and taking responsibility for her own happiness. It was a bit inspiring, actually.
I'm a great proponent of "make it happen" and a long time advocate of "if it is to be, it's up to me," and a lot of people, including me, apply that to a few areas but not globally in their lives.
So I started thinking about Thanksgiving -- at the time, but it applies equally to Christmas. Maybe you've had some disappointments in the recent past, and you're upset because people you "counted on" seemed too busy or overwhelmed to "treat you" for a special occasion, or maybe they didn't get you "the gift" you wanted and you got bummed. But I'm here to say that we each have within us the ability to make ourselves happy, and our happiness shouldn't depend on what someone else does or doesn't do for us. Yes... it might be nice and something to smile about, but we should each have a smile, regardless.
So with the hustle and bustle of the holidays coming up, I challenge you to find something about the holiday that is special for YOU, that would make you feel good regardless of what anyone else did or didn't do for you. You may be the only person who knows what you did, and that's fine. You could celebrate quietly, basking in your own sunshine, creating your own glow... making it happen for YOU. And when you do, write me a little note and let me know about it, so I can be happy for you, too.
Good night.
A couple of weeks ago I was having a conversation with a good friend over lunch, and they were telling me how things were going in their life, and remarked that for their birthday no one was planning anything special for them. Initially they were a little bummed, but then decided, "Heck. It's my birthday, so I'm going to do something for me, to make myself happy." Then she followed with, "I'm ## years old (real age withheld) and I'm not a child anymore and it's up to me to make my birthday special for me..." and she did.
She told me all that she did on her birthday to make it special, the little things she treated herself to because she deserved it, the time she took to do some things she just hadn't had a chance to do in a while that she just decided to indulge herself in -- simple pleasures; nothing exhorbitant. And she said, "you know? it was the best birthday I've had in years," and I'd almost swear she had a glow around her that stood as evidence to how great she felt after taking charge of her day and taking responsibility for her own happiness. It was a bit inspiring, actually.
I'm a great proponent of "make it happen" and a long time advocate of "if it is to be, it's up to me," and a lot of people, including me, apply that to a few areas but not globally in their lives.
So I started thinking about Thanksgiving -- at the time, but it applies equally to Christmas. Maybe you've had some disappointments in the recent past, and you're upset because people you "counted on" seemed too busy or overwhelmed to "treat you" for a special occasion, or maybe they didn't get you "the gift" you wanted and you got bummed. But I'm here to say that we each have within us the ability to make ourselves happy, and our happiness shouldn't depend on what someone else does or doesn't do for us. Yes... it might be nice and something to smile about, but we should each have a smile, regardless.
So with the hustle and bustle of the holidays coming up, I challenge you to find something about the holiday that is special for YOU, that would make you feel good regardless of what anyone else did or didn't do for you. You may be the only person who knows what you did, and that's fine. You could celebrate quietly, basking in your own sunshine, creating your own glow... making it happen for YOU. And when you do, write me a little note and let me know about it, so I can be happy for you, too.
Good night.
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