Wednesday, October 11, 2006

An interesting thought..

As much as I'd like to take credit for "original" thoughts that cross my blog, every once in a while something comes in an email that intrigues me, and gives me pause...Such was the case yesterday. Perhaps you can identify with this, and maybe give some feed back.

First, however, know that I am a friend guy -- meaning that I place a pretty high priority on my friends, and they can count on me in a pinch. It has been my experience over the years, however, that many of my friends don't place the same priority on our friendship that I do, and given similar circumstances will not go the lengths for me that I would typically go for them. That trend, over time, has led me to say that I am a better friend to most people, than they are to me.

Now, lets look at this in a couple of ways. Perhaps I have a greater capacity or capability to give than some; perhaps they don't have the time, or the flexibility that I do, so they can't give back in the same measure. Should I expect them to? If I'm giving out of friendship, does it matter if they give back equally? Am I giving to get back ? or because I feel like giving? Interesting query.

For another view, if I read that statement -- "I am a better friend to most people..." --
written by anyone other than myself (because I'm biased, of course), it would be an easy leap for me to propose that we might be dealing with a martyr type personality: "Look, at what I give for you... I give and give and give, and you just don't give back,'re a taker and I'm a victim." But I reeeeeeally hope that category doesn't describe me!

Here is the statement that arrived in my email yesterday: "Don't make anyone a priority, who considers you an option !"

This is a very powerful statement and, undoubtedly, we've all placed people in a priority status at one time or another... who just didn't seem to treat us with the same priority. And in the short term it isn't necessarily a problem, but in the LONG term... it can become quite a stress point.

So, I invite your comments on this. Tell me what you think, how you feel about it, what it means to you. Keep it positive ! Okay? But I'm interested in feed back.

Have an awesome day!


Anonymous said...

I think there is the possibility of being a better friend than the person you're friends with, because I've been there myself. The quote you bring up is absolutely accurate, and it's amazing how often we tend to allow someone else to kind of dominate the friendship instead of sharing a friendship. Great post.

Lisa B said...

You know I had to post! You SO described ME! WOW

Anonymous said...

By putting a "length" on how far one friend will go for you and how far you will go for them kinda makes me think that the friendship is based on an eye for an eye sort of deal. In almost every case one friend always has more time and more capability of going the extra mile than the other person. Does not not mean that she is the better friend. I had an experience with a friend once where I was always putting myself out to her and never got much in return. One dark night I had to call her
with a great need for help and I knew she would be there for me. And she was all those 100's to her one meant the world to me and saved my life. All I can say is never count and make mental notes...deep down inside you know who your friends are and who are your aquaintances. I have two lists for my friends. Those who I can count on and those who I cannot. If I come across a "taker" and we all have at least one or two of them. I kindly keep them a yards distance away from me at all times.
Have a wonderful day...MaryCynthia

Kelvin Ringold said...

Thanks Mary! I really appreciate your feedback... I'll look forward to hearing from you often.

mary said...

I try really hard to be a good friend - sometimes I'm less help than others. I try even harder not to need help, often it's only family that you can truly count on - and I'm blessed to have the very best parents in the world, and some really great siblings as well!

MaryCee said...

Very true Mary! And so nicely put!