Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Relationships: A departure

From time to time I get asked for input on relationships. I guess people figure I've had *enough* of them that I'm some kind of expert (cough). Regardless of what that statement really implies, in my time I have made some "distinctions" about relationships -- at least as they apply to me -- and I've decided to share a little of that from time to time. The thought of a separate blog has reared it's head and perhaps I'll do that if the response warrants it. But for now... we'll keep it here.

Some time ago, I received one of those "lessons learned" emails, and one of the lessons in it read, "Just because someone doesn't love you like you want to be loved, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they've got."

A true and powerful statement, really, but taken at face value it leads one to the assumption that because that person is giving us all they've got that we should accept that and make do. There was a time in my life that I probably felt that way, but not so much now.

We are who we are, and we need what we need to be happy and fulfilled, and anything less than that is ... well.... anything less than that ;-). Should you settle?

So, I thought about it for a while, and came up with Kelvin's corollary, which simply states, "Just because someone loves you with all they've got, doesn't mean it's enough." If you settle and it's not enough, what results -- in most cases -- is two people in a relationship (until there are children) that really isn't satisfying or fulfilling for either one of them. Do we really need more of that?

What do you think? Feel free to "weigh in."



Anonymous said...

Terrific post! I think too many people settle too early without being in true love with each other. And that makes for bad relationships as time goes on. I don't believe anyone should settle for less than they truly server, but some days that's easier to say than do...

Cort who's common answer to the all important question "are you married" is always -- nope seriously single.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you somewhat, but I think way too often people sell themselves and others short by waiting on perfection from another person until they marry or otherwise commit to someone. I have been with my husband 12 years, married for 9, and we are very well-matched. Even still, there are ups and downs. You have to be willing to accept and encourage personal growth in your partner; to believe change is possible.

So if someone loves you with all they've got and it's not enough, the answer is neither to settle or to leave. It's to speak your needs clearly in a way that both uplifts and empowers your partner. One person can inspire and ignite a relationship.

Now if your partner chooses not to grow, that's another story. :)

Monroe said...

Your comments caused me some intense thought. Ouch.

Without going into serious details, life is made up of moments; those special moments that happen when all of the stars line up and fortune smiles, and all of your hard work actually brings a fantastic result.

The rest of life is survival between moments.

Relationships can be the same. Are your 'moments' worth the survival periods in between? Mine have been.

That's not to say that there haven't been some looooong survival periods... but in balance, it's been worth it.

33 years worth it.

PS, I INVENTED the Sausage McMuffin... November 1975....

Lisa B said...