An interesting thought..

As much as I'd like to take credit for "original" thoughts that cross my blog, every once in a while something comes in an email that intrigues me, and gives me pause...Such was the case yesterday. Perhaps you can identify with this, and maybe give some feed back.

First, however, know that I am a friend guy -- meaning that I place a pretty high priority on my friends, and they can count on me in a pinch. It has been my experience over the years, however, that many of my friends don't place the same priority on our friendship that I do, and given similar circumstances will not go the lengths for me that I would typically go for them. That trend, over time, has led me to say that I am a better friend to most people, than they are to me.

Now, lets look at this in a couple of ways. Perhaps I have a greater capacity or capability to give than some; perhaps they don't have the time, or the flexibility that I do, so they can't give back in the same measure. Should I expect them to? If I'm giving out of friendship, does it matter if they give back equally? Am I giving to get back ? or because I feel like giving? Interesting query.

For another view, if I read that statement -- "I am a better friend to most people..." -- written by anyone other than myself (because I'm biased, of course), it would be an easy leap for me to propose that we might be dealing with a martyr type personality: "Look, at what I give for you... I give and give and give, and you just don't give back, and...you're a taker and I'm a victim." But I reeeeeeally hope that category doesn't describe me!

Here is the statement that arrived in my email yesterday: "Don't make anyone a priority, who considers you an option !"

This is a very powerful statement and, undoubtedly, we've all placed people in a priority status at one time or another... who just didn't seem to treat us with the same priority. And in the short term it isn't necessarily a problem, but in the LONG term... it can become quite a stress point.

So, I invite your comments on this. Tell me what you think, how you feel about it, what it means to you. Keep it positive ! Okay? But I'm interested in feed back.

Have an awesome day!

I Talk Too Much !

Yeah, I said it. And I know that some of you are reading this saying..."Wow; it took him long enough to figure THAT out!" But, it's true. I, Kelvin P Ringold, Sr, sometimes talks too much. Every once in a while, someone asks me a question -- and there's a lot of people asking me questions these days -- and I am under the sometimes mistaken impression that they actually want an answers! Oops!

I have a philosophy: NEVER ask a question you're not prepared to hear the answer to -- no matter what the answer is. Unfortunately, I forget that not everyone is like me :-).

I was in JC Penney's the other day, to buy some new shoes. I'd picked out a couple of pairs, and asked her what she thought -- after all, she's an expert at this right? Well, she hemmed and hawed and said, well... "It's a nice shoe, but.. well... I can't really say how comfortable they are for you..." etc, etc... and she wouldn't give me her honest thoughts. I finally decided, "Okay, I like this shoe; I'll take it..." then she said, "I LOVE that shoe! It's one of my favorites." I asked why she didn't say something when I asked. She said that a lot of people get upset when she answers their question and it wasn't what they wanted to hear. I said, no worries ; *I* am the type of person... that when I ask a question I *want* to hear the answer! Okay ?" . . . and went on to the next pair of shoes I liked.

I put them on, stood up, looked at them in the little floor mirror, and asked her, "Whadya think?" She looked at me and smiled kinda shyly and asked, "you weren't planning on wearing those OUT anywhere, were you? It's a nice outdoor shoe... like walking and hiking and gardening. My family has several pair. Were you actually planning on wearing those with, like, good clothes?" And I cracked up ! I said, "how about like to a bar?" She said, "what kinda bars do you go to?..." then repeated that "outdoor / walking / gardening" response one more time... and all the while I'm chuckling. Then she said, "Well you said you wanted my opinion..." and I laughed and said "...Absolutely, and thank you. I've got some gardening I wanted to do anyway." We had a good laugh, she got a good sale and I got 15% off my purchase for opening a Penney's charge account!

But that's me! I've come to believe that my purpose in life is to provide PERSPECTIVE to people. One of my favorite passages in Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah (gosh WHY does he keep mentioning that book?!") says, "Perspective. Use it or lose it." I help take your excuses away, and to be honest, I believe that's why most people (who really know me) ask me things. It's why *I* ask questions of those I trust. My other favorite passage from Illusions (there he goes again!) is, "we teach best what we most need to learn." It is very rare, my friends, that in discussing your question, I don't discover -- or rediscover -- an answer that is pertinent in my own life.

So ask away! I've always got more leaning to do, and we can take our joint excuses away together. Right?

In the meantime, I'm going to go take my new shoes for a walk outdoors, around the garden, and maybe start re-reading Illusions again... Ahhhhh. Happy Saturday!

Have an awesome day.


Kelvin

P.S. If you haven't been there lately, there's a cute story on the home page of Ringold.NET. If you get bored, check it out.

No Sausage Today?

I went to work this morning and, as is my occasional custom , I stopped at the little coffee shop to order my "usual" breakfast sandwich - sausage, egg and cheese on dark rye. A wonderful, cheerful young lady staffed the shop. I bid her a fine good morning and said, " I'd like my ceremonial breakfast sandwich and she said, "Okay, but we don't have sausage today..." I said, "hmmmm... that...well... nevermind," and walked away.

SOMETIMES... I want what I want ! and I wanted the sausage, egg and cheese, and I didn't feel like settling for "the next best thing", because... the next best thing is not what I wanted, and it wouldn't have satisfied the "craving." It might have satisfied the immediate hunger pang, but when it was all over (and eaten) ... that "craving" would have still been nagging me.

I like McDonald's Sausage McMuffin with Egg (there may be a trend, here...). It's my ceremonial travel sandwich. When I go on a road trip, I *always* stop at the first McDonald's I get to, and get a Sausage McMuffin with Egg combo, with the crunchy hash browns and the (now not too bad) medium coffee. As is my custom on the last trip, I stopped at Mickey D's, ordered my sandwich... didn't check it, got down the road about 5 minutes... opened it and... it was an Egg McMuffin --hardly the same thing. I ate it! because it was too much hassle to go back BUT... I still had the craving, so... the very next McDonalds I got to -- 15 minutes later -- guess what? I pulled in, ordered my Sausage McMuffin With Egg... CHECKED IT.... ate it.... ahhhh... was good. MMMMmmmmmm. Satisfied the craving. Of course now, I doubled my carbohydrates and was TOO full -- but the craving was satisfied!

We do that a lot in life! We settle for "close... but no cigar." Good 'nuff ! It's not what I really want, but...it's good 'nuff. We do it for cars (well... they didn't have it in burgundy right now, but the white was good 'nuff...); we do it for houses (I really wanted a two-car garage but...there wasn't one right now), we do it for relationships (well, we don't really talk the way I'd like to, but... it'll come; it's good 'nuff for now...). And while sometimes those decisions are necessary, a lot of times... they are not. And very often -- I dare say most of the time -- the "next best thing" we settle for doesn't satisfy the craving, and now we have TWO problems ! Not only don't we have what we want -- and still have the craving -- but NOW.... we're stuck with the color we didn't want, the house that's in the wrong neighborhood, the nasty sandwich, the unfulfilling job we hate, the spouse we can't really talk to or... whatever else is the case !

Sometimes... it just worth it to wait for -- or work for -- what you want. Sometimes... settling for good 'nuff, is not in your best interest. But those are the decisions we have to make every day.

So, before you settle for good 'nuff next time... be sure that you really need to. Sometimes, good 'nuff is right around the corner from the "real deal." After I settled for that white Hyundai Sante Fe back in 2001... the burgundy one came in the next day :-( I *really* liked the burgundy. Oh well... maybe the next time I buy a car.

Have an awesome day.

Kelvin

To Write or Not to Write...

or rather. . . whether or not to write more often! And after some considerable thought, I've decided to change the format of this blog a bit!

Up to now, I've basically mirrored the publication of my e-newsletter Ramblings, but I only publish Ramblings once a month or so -- when I'm inspired -- and I'm told by bloggers in the know, that that's not enough activity to make a blog worth having, and I get requests for more frequent updates and. . . who I am to disappoint my readers. Therefore, I'll be sharing more frequent thoughts with you, about more varied topics, and probably in shorter runs than the full- bodied email version of Ramblings. Still, I plan to offer concepts worthy of your thought and introspection and you'll still have the option of subscribing to full bodied version, or settling for the timely tidbits offered in our new Ramblings "Lite".

And THIS is as good a time as any to start, so let me do so by revisiting a topic we've partially discussed before! and which

Very often we get caught up in spending a lot of time looking at what's wrong with our existence ! -- bills, world affairs, issues in our marriages, the rowdy neighbor(s) next door, a crappy boss -- and it's easy to get grumpy over what's not great.

The other side of that coin asks what IS right with our existence? Yes, you may have a bill for a new car, but what a great car it is ! Chances are you have your health, your intelligence, your friends, your wit, your (crappy or not) job that's paying at least some of your bills -- even though you might think it's not enough. And you undoubtedly have the benefit of many other things that, if you stop to think about them, could be much worse in your life.

There is a law of attraction that works very powerfully in our lives, and is best summed up -- for me -- by a statement from the book "Illusions, The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah" by Richard Bach:

"We magnetize into our lives, what we hold in our thoughts..."

Sometimes, it's impossible to imagine that many of the things -- especially the negative things -- that are happening in our lives, could possibly be linked to our own actions and thought processes, but a little education can go a long way! and the sooner we learn it, the sooner we can do something about controlling it.

A great start on understanding it is to watch What the Bleep do We Know; a movie -- more of a documentary, really -- which I found to be riveting. If you want to gain an insight into how your thoughts impact your everyday reality.... the Bleep is a must. I know, I've said it before! but if you're still having things happen in your life that you don't want, and you haven't found a way to get to this movie yet? Well... just get it. And once you can handle what the Bleep tells you, then I've got something that will REALLY blow your mind. But... first things first, eh?

Chew on that one for a while!

See you in a day or so.